I left off with a meeting in October 2012 involving my mother, aunt, grandmother, T, and the lawyer who T had secretly taken my grandmother to when he had my grandmother create a new will and establish him as her POA and HCP, even though he is a non-family member and remained married to his wife until she passed away about 2 years ago. During this meeting, T threatened to kick my grandmother out of his home and threatened to not pay the lawyer, showing a possible conflict-of-interest that the lawyer ignored.
T also made an odd comment during this meeting that I left out of my previous post. T said that my grandmother had never paid him rent while living with him. That's when my mother says she realized that this was all about money for him, not doing what was truly best for my grandmother. Since when does a boyfriend expect rent from his girlfriend? Especially when it was his desire for my grandmother to move in with him, my grandmother assisted him with his business, and my grandmother didn't have the money to pay him rent due to quiting her job in order to live with him.
This was an excellent opportunity for the lawyer to un-do what she had done with T and fix this. There was a clear conflict of interest, a clear threat by T to my grandmother, and clear psychological issues with T. But the lawyer, unfortunately, did not do the right thing.
A few hours after this meeting, my mother, aunt, and I met T and my grandmother at my grandmother's primary care doctor's office for an appointment that she had. T and my mother, who is a registered nurse, went into the exam room with my grandmother for the appointment. During the appointment, my mother learned that my grandmother had gained about 30 pounds in only a few months, her blood pressure was high, her blood sugar had been too high, and she was diagnosed with diabetic neuropathy, which occurs due to prolonged exposure to high blood sugar . This is when we became even more concerned about T's lack of desire and ability to properly care for my grandmother.
During the doctor's appointment, T was dishonest with the doctor and lied several times. My mother had to keep correcting him. When the doctor asked why my grandmother's neurologist had taken her off some medications for Alzheimer's/Dementia, T stated that it was because her neurologist felt that she had gotten better (which is impossible because both illnesses are degenerative. You don't get better.) My mother corrected T, stating that is was most likely because the medication was not working. The doctor looked up the neurologist's notes and, sure enough, it stated that my grandmother was taken off the medications because they were not effective. When the doctor tried to discuss my grandmother's diet with T, T claimed that my grandmother "always grabs the salt shaker." My mother interjected and said that my grandmother has never put a lot of salt on her food, ever. The doctor then informed T that there is an easy solution; hide the salt shaker.
After this doctor's appointment, my mother, aunt, and I asked my grandmother if she wanted to leave with us and hang out for a while since I was leaving the next morning. My grandmother said "yes," but asked T if that was "okay" with him. T said yes and we all walked out of the office together. We asked T if my grandmother could get her purse from his car before leaving with us. T said that my grandmother did not have a purse with her. So, he had taken my grandmother out with no purse, no identification, no money, no health insurance card, nothing. This had been a regular occurrence for years.
As we were all getting into our cars, T kept saying that he wanted my grandmother home by 7:30pm. My mother told T that we could not guarantee that; it depended on what we were doing and what my grandmother wanted. T ignored my mother and kept repeating that he wanted her home by 7:30. I then told T that, if we would be getting her home after 7:30, then we would call him. He ignored me, got into his car, and left.
My mother, aunt, grandmother, and I went to my paternal grandmother's home and visited for a few hours. We ordered pizza, talked, looked at pictures, and had a great time. My maternal grandmother was talking with us, asking questions, laughing, and really enjoying herself.
Around 7:15pm or so, we decided it was time to get my grandmother home to avoid any issues with T. When we got into the car, I called T and told him that we were on our way to bring my grandmother home. T said that "she was supposed to be home by 7:30" and then hung up on me. When I said that T had just hung up on me, my grandmother said, "Well that's ridiculous. He has no reason to be mad. I had fun."
We then started to ask my grandmother some questions about the lawyer that T had taken her to and the paperwork that he had her change. Even though a meeting with the lawyer had occurred that morning, my grandmother had no memory of it. She had no memory of having a lawyer, going to a lawyer, or ever re-doing any paperwork. She even asked, "I have a lawyer? What's his name?" We had to inform her that she did have a lawyer, that the lawyer was a female, and that she had been in a meeting with the lawyer that morning. My grandmother had no memory of any of this.
We arrived at T's house around 8:00pm/8:15pm. We decided that I would walk my grandmother inside because there was so much tension between T and my mother & aunt after the meeting with the lawyer that morning. We wanted to avoid any kind of argument in front of my grandmother.
As I was walking my grandmother to the front door, she said, "That was really nice. I had a good time with you guys." We entered the home and both said "hello" to T, who was sitting in the living room watching TV. T ignored us. My grandmother walked into the living room and happily said "We're home!" T immediately became enraged. His face was red and he was shaking. He started yelling and swearing at my grandmother. He was yelling at her for being home "too late" and taking his anger towards my mother and aunt out on her. I kept trying to verbally interject to stop him, but he ignored me and kept yelling at her. My grandmother started to say, "It's okay..." T became angrier and started to get up off his chair towards her. I jumped in front of my grandmother to stop him, put my hand out, and said, "You don't have to speak to her like that!" T immediately started to physically assault me by pushing me out of the room. He told me to "get out." I told him to take his hands off me and informed him that I was leaving the next morning, so he needed to let me say good-bye to my grandmother. T stopped, smiled, and then spread his arms and legs out to block the door way to the living room with my grandmother behind him. I demanded that he stop and let me say good bye to my grandmother. T continued to smile, say "no," and started making faces at me, sticking his tongue out, etc. My grandmother was tapping his arm from behind asking him to please stop. She then tried to get past him by sticking her head under his arm. T moved his body over, pinning my grandmother's head to the door frame, and then pushed her backwards. He looked at me almost as if he was waiting to see what my reaction would be, like a child trying to upset his parent. So I refused to react, remaining calm. T finally moved so that my grandmother could get past him. I gave her a hug. She was shaking and appeared very scared. I was afraid to leave her because I didn't know what T was going to do once I left.
I walked out the front door and immediately started crying and shaking...
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