I have decided to start chronicling a terrible situation that my family is going through as it continues to become more bizarre and frustrating with no end in sight. We are in a fight. A fight for a loved one's life. Here is the beginning of it all, when, what I consider to be, an evil person made himself a part of our family...little did we know what was to come.
My maternal grandmother is a very sweet, kind-hearted, friendly person who loves being around people, enjoys socializing, and will go out of her way for anyone.
My grandmother started dating a man, who I will refer to as "T," about 17 years ago. "T" was still married to his wife, who he had four children with, but they were separated and had been for a long time. After about a year or so of dating, "T" stated that he was tired of driving to the place where my grandmother was living at the time and told her that he wanted her to move in with him (what a romantic reason, I know). So, my grandmother (who is VERY against living together when not married) quit her job and moved in with "T." She was under the impression that "T" was planning on divorcing his wife and that they would get married. Once she moved in with him, my grandmother assisted "T" with his business, taking on a secretary-like role for him.
As the years passed, "T" remained married to his wife and did not discuss with my grandmother any plans to get married. My family and I began to notice that it seemed "T" was very "in charge" of the relationship and my grandmother did not get much of a say or choice in anything. We also noticed that, although "T" was very well off financially, he was very stingy with money and often sent my grandmother out with us with no money at all (including a trip with us to Disney World). I remember an incident when my grandmother was experiencing a great deal of pain in one of her teeth which needed to be removed. She told us that she had to put off the surgery to remove the tooth because she needed to save up enough of her social security checks to pay for it. The cost of it was very small compared to how much money "T" had and was still making.
While living in their first home together, "T's" house, my grandmother started to experience several stomach/gastrointestinal problems. I will not go into the details, but it was terrible and it lasted for several years. It was causing her to lose sleep and she was often unable to leave the home. "T" not only appeared very un-concerned about it, but even made fun of her for "stinking up the bathroom," etc. My aunt asked "T" to get his water tested as he and my grandmother drank straight from the tap, but "T" refused. A few years ago, when "T" sold the home, one of the stipulations of the sale was that "T" had to pay to have a brand new, very expensive water filtration system installed because traces of arsenic and other toxic substances were found in the water. After they moved, my grandmother's symptoms stopped.
The reason "T" and my grandmother moved out of his first home that they lived in together is because his wife passed away. His wife had been living in the home where they lived before separating and the home was in "T's" name. Within months of his wife passing away, "T" had the house that she had been living in completely renovated and "fixed up," then made my grandmother move into it with him. Around this time, my grandmother had been exhibiting some concerning symptoms - memory problems, sleeplessness, high anxiety/stress, etc. My family and I were concerned about the move itself and the new home, as it is large with a basement and an upstairs. The bedrooms are upstairs which require climbing a winding staircase. There's also a huge front and back yard which need to be maintained as well as a driveway that would need to be shoveled during the winter. We didn't understand why they wouldn't move into an elder living community, a condo, or something similar that is simpler/easier to maintain. What became more bizarre to us was that "T" refused to pay for a professional moving company to assist with the move, even though he could easily afford it and had put thousands of dollars into fixing up the house. He had my fragile grandmother in her late 70's with severe symptoms of stress, etc. assist in packing everything, physically transporting everything, physically getting everything into the new home, and unpacking everything. My grandmother was more stressed than I had ever seen her at that time and, sadly, she has never been the same since. Her memory problems became much more significant and we started to fear that she had Alzheimer's/Dementia. (By the way, one of "T's" own children expressed anger/resentment towards him to one of my family members about "T" fixing up the home after allowing their mother to "rot to death in a s**thole.)
On a quick side-note, a few years before the move into "T's" "new" home, "T" gave my grandmother a diamond ring and made her believe that it was an engagement ring. My grandmother was so happy and had the biggest smile on her face showing it to everyone. "T" still never divorced his wife and, again, never discussed plans of marriage with my grandmother. He and his wife were still married when she passed away a few years ago.
So that is the beginning, before my family's battle for my grandmother's life truly started and continues today. This is a long enough post already, so I will update on what happened next in my following post.
"10 Tips for A Great Relationship" posted on Facebook by the Ageless Alliance:
http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu/2013/02/10-tips-for-a-great-relationships-just-in-time-for-valentines-day/
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